Navigating Grief Through Holistic Wellness

Photo by Liza Summer

The past few years have taught me that grief doesn't follow a timeline, and healing isn't linear. I've lost several family members in my immediate and extended family recently. What I've discovered through this journey is that grief demands a holistic approach—one that honors both sorrow and the human need for nourishment, connection, and gentle self-care.

In the immediate aftermath of each loss, I found myself gravitating toward what I now recognize as my personal anchors: movement through exercise, meaningful connections with friends and family, and hours spent watching YouTube standup comedy. There's something profoundly healing about laughter when the world feels heavy. It doesn't diminish the grief, but it reminds us that joy and sorrow can coexist. And frankly, sometimes it’s just a nice distraction from reality.

The Unpredictable Waves of Emotion

One of the most important lessons I've learned is to normalize the unpredictability of grief. Emotions arrive in waves that don't respect schedules or social expectations. You might feel fine during a morning meeting, then find yourself a bit sad and weepy while grocery shopping. The emotions might come out in other ways, too, like anger or frustration or some complex mixture of lots of feelings. This is a natural rhythm of grief.

Self-compassion becomes crucial during these moments. Rather than judging ourselves for feeling "too much" or "not enough," we can learn to meet our emotions with the same kindness we'd offer a dear friend. This means allowing tears when they come and recognizing that some days, simply getting through is enough.

Building Your Personal Dopamenu

Recently, I attended a workshop led by creativity coach Natalie Lu. A guest speaker introduced the concept of a "dopamenu"—a curated list of self-care activities organized like a restaurant menu. I found this framework to be a great way to approach emotional support during difficult times.

Appetizers are quick, 5-15 minute activities that provide an immediate mood boost: taking a short walk around the block, making a comforting cup of tea, doing a brief meditation, gentle stretching, standing outside in sunlight, or doodling. These are perfect for those moments when you need something accessible and immediate.

Entrees require more time investment but offer deeper satisfaction: diving into a good book, attending a fitness class, cooking a nourishing meal, watching a movie, enjoying dinner with a friend, organizing a space in your home, or practicing forest bathing. These activities provide more substantial emotional nourishment when you have the energy to invest.

Sides are complementary activities that enhance other parts of your day: listening to favorite music or podcasts while doing chores, lighting candles during meals, using a diffuser at your workspace, calling a loved one during walks, or wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket while watching TV. These small additions can transform ordinary moments into more comforting experiences.

Desserts are indulgences to enjoy mindfully and in moderation: playing video games, social media scrolling, online browsing, ordering favorite takeout, or having drinks with friends. While these might not make the best primary coping mechanisms, they can provide legitimate comfort when used consciously.

Specials are bigger experiences that require planning, time, or financial investment: taking vacations, attending concerts, buying something special for yourself, planning picnics, ocean swimming, taking art classes, performing random acts of kindness, redecorating spaces, or taking day trips. These create anticipation and give you meaningful experiences to look forward to.

The Balance of Solitude and Connection

Grief often presents us with a delicate balance between needing solitude and craving connection. Both serve important purposes in the healing process.

Alone time allows for unfiltered processing of emotions. It's in solitude that we can cry without explanation, journal our thoughts, or simply sit with our feelings without needing to manage anyone else's comfort level with our grief. This time is sacred and necessary.

Supportive relationships can provide perspective, comfort, and reminders that we're not walking this path alone. The key is learning to communicate your needs clearly—sometimes you need someone to simply sit with you in your sadness, other times you might want distraction through shared activities or conversation.

Honoring Your Unique Journey

Perhaps the most crucial understanding I've gained is that everyone's grief journey is different. What brings me comfort might feel hollow to you. Your timeline won't match mine, and that's okay. Some people find solace in rituals and traditions, others in breaking away from them. Some need to talk extensively about their loss, others prefer to honor their loved one through private reflection or action.

The holistic wellness approach to grief recognizes that healing involves every aspect of our being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. This might mean nourishing your body with gentle movement and nutritious food, supporting your emotional world through therapy or support groups, engaging your mind with creative pursuits or learning, and connecting with something larger than yourself through nature, spirituality, or service to others.

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

The goal isn't to "move on" from loss, but to move forward with it. My loved ones remain part of who I am, and my grief for them is an expression of my love for them. I like the dopamenu concept because it offers an intentional relationship with self-care, moving beyond the basic "take a hot bath" advice to create a comprehensive toolkit for emotional support.

The path through grief isn't about returning to who you were before loss; it's about integrating your experience into who you're becoming. And in that becoming, there's room for both tears and laughter, solitude and connection, rest and movement, sorrow and joy. There's room for all of it, and there's room for you, exactly as you are, wherever you are in your journey.