The Coffee Shop Year That Shifted My Perspective

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I've been thinking about a moment from my early twenties, one of those seemingly small interactions that helped shape my view of ambition and success and what I want that to look like for me, personally.

I'd just left my first "career job" and was taking what some might call a gap year. I was working in a coffee shop, exploring an amazing new city, making interesting friends, trying new food, and giving myself the space to figure out my next steps. During this time, I heard through the grapevine that someone I knew didn't think I was very "driven." The comment hit me like a cold splash of water. I’d always been a hard worker, conscientious, with a four-year degree under my belt. It felt unfair to be labeled as lacking drive simply because I was taking some time to figure things out instead of immediately climbing the next rung on the traditional career ladder.

Over the years, I’ve continued to revisit that moment and how it made me feel. As I’ve lived more life, I've come to see it as informational. It prompted me to examine what "driven" actually means for me and whether the conventional definition serves me personally.

Finding your definition of ‘drive’

The traditional narrative around being "driven" works beautifully for many people. I know plenty of folks who thrive on a constant upward trajectory, who find deep fulfillment in climbing ladders and hitting traditional success markers. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that path if it feeds you and aligns with your values.

But what I've also discovered is that there's room for a different kind of drive. One that invites curiosity. One that considers not just career advancement, but holistic wellness: self-awareness, a sense of purpose, mental health, physical vitality, emotional balance, spiritual fulfillment, and meaningful relationships. One that can serve the whole self.

During that gap year so long ago, I was investing in self-discovery, exploring a new environment, and creating space to understand what I valued in life. I was taking time to find my place in the world. I was learning to see myself as a whole person, not just a professional.

The power of the big picture (and sometimes, the lateral move)

This mindset shift has influenced some of my life decisions, and it's part of my coaching approach.

I've sometimes made lateral moves instead of seeking promotions when those moves better aligned with my personality and my values around work-life balance and quality of life. I've chosen opportunities that fed my soul over ones that just fed my resume. This has enabled me to do work that feels deeply meaningful.

Sometimes it’s okay to explore what would happen if we gave ourselves permission to move sideways, or even step back, in service of our broader life vision. Sometimes the most driven thing you can do is say no to what everyone else thinks you should want.

Glass houses and perspective

Looking back at that woman who questioned my drive, I now see the fuller picture. She was stuck in a low-wage job with long hours and no room for upward growth. Her comment, I realize now, came from her frustration with a system that had promised her that working harder would lead to improved life circumstances, but had failed to deliver.

There's no judgment there, just recognition that we all can get caught in different versions of the same trap when we don't take the time to define success for ourselves.

Whole-person approach

This experience taught me that the most sustainable kind of ambition considers the whole person—mind, body, spirit, relationships, values. It's why I take a holistic approach with my clients, looking at things like sleep, stress levels, relationships, physical health, and sense of purpose. Keeping these aspects in harmony can help support our careers and ensure our work feels aligned and sustainable.

I'm still learning, still figuring things out as I go. But what I've discovered is that the concept of “drive” is relative, and ultimately, we do ourselves a huge favor when we take time to consider what success means to each of us as individuals. Then we can move forward with intention, purpose, and respect for our well-being.

That coffee shop year was formative, but it wasn't easy. It was emotionally challenging in ways I hadn't anticipated, full of uncertainty, mistakes, and doubt. But I want to honor that version of myself who decided to take that brave little sidequest to learn more about herself and the world around her, even if the path felt messy and unclear.